Questions of My Heart

How many times can a spirit crack before it shatters? How many times can a heart break before it becomes hard and rigid? Am I not worth the True Love from another? Do I love too intensely? My heart throbs and aches, my eyes are starting to tear... I don't want to end up like I once was. Burned... I closed off who I was, Closed off my heart. I don't want to be that person again. But how many times can my soul be pounded by the emotions of loss. It's hard not too have expectations, I am finding. How can I simply be happy intensely loving another without the return? Why can there be no return? Am I not worth it? Do I love too intensely? I am so tired, my body wants to run, my mind wants to fly, and my heart wants to engulf. I want to disappear for a while...

Our Fingerprints of Work

I just had a very profound thought that I feel inclined to share :) I have mentioned before my viewpoints on spirituality, and how I feel that we all have our own very unique spiritual fingerprint. As I was talking with a dear friend of mine today about "work" today, I realized that we all also have our very own work fingerprint. It seems to me that we all have things that we feel called to do, or are passionate about. And I am also finding that even though it may seem that we are doing the "same" job we all do that "same" job differently. This causes me to think that we have our own “work” callings, and places that we feel happy and comfortable. Someone may feel totally and completely comfortable and happy working at a Taco Bell, or in a five story office building filing papers away. She, my friend, mentioned to me after I made a comment of "why am I doing this? Who is it helping? Why would anyone want to do it!" she said that some people find peace in jobs like the one I am currently at. They feel they are to be there, that they are helping others, and doing what they are called to do. It makes perfect sense! There is a quote I found that I posted here at work and everyday I look at it and just feel kind of sad because I don’t feel I am living up to its words; it says: "The true way to render ourselves happy is to love our work and find in it our pleasure." I have found that I, along with countless others, do not find pleasure in what we do. I beg to ask then, what’s the point? We spend most of our lives doing our "work". So if we are unhappy with what we do, and/or feel we should be doing something differently, than are we not enjoying most of our lives? When I am dying and looking back I want to see that I was happy and followed my heart, always doing what I loved and helped others in some/any way that brought true joy and peace. I think that sounds like a fulfilled and happily joyous life indeed!
So this brings up the question of, why am I not practicing what I preach. Oh oh oh... It is actually a quite simple answer. Fear. I have spent so much of my life with people telling me that I have to do things a certain way, stepping out of that scares me to death. The truth we were talking about, however, is that it is only that first step that is scary. And believe me I see that, now I just need to muster up the courage to take that first step wholeheartedly.

Abstract of Divinity and Religion

I tend to get into many philosophical conversations with my friends and my family. The conversation and thoughts that just seem to be lingering lately is the abstractiveness (I love making up words: P) of divinity. Let me explain, when a child comes to you and asks how god/goddess can be listening to, and answering, prayers from everyone on the planet at the same time... what would you say to them? Would you say that it is because god/goddess is such a powerful being that he can be everywhere, and do everything? This statement is still quite confusing, and very hard to wrap your mind around. It is because divinity, or the one supernatural being that created us all, is such an abstract concept that it just doesn't make sense. We try to put the concept in a confined box to explain it, which in turn makes the whole concept of divinity even more confusing. I have really been pondering this lately and here is what I think:
We all have divinity within us, around us, it is everything and nothing. Everyting combined in the entire Universe creates this power. So when we pray, or do rituals and spells where we use the gods and goddesses we are in a way praying to ourselves for help. Asking that divine light within us, and around us, to shine and help us on our paths. I don't see the need for religion. In my experience religion is a system of rules that govern the spirituality of a mass group of people. When I think of religion I can't help but think of a prison. It, to myself, is like a prison for ones spirituality. I believe that every single person has a spirituality that is unique to whomever they are, like a spiritual fingerprint if you will. With this belief religion does not make sense. Why would you put yourself into a structure where your spirituality was hindered by the rules and boundaries (and not to mention fears, is some religions)of religion? I cannot wrap my mind around this. Spirituality and divinity cannot be put in any label of any form. The ideas are so different and abstract that to try and form it into some sort of norm doesn't work. An arguement that could be made for religion is the fact that it brings together spiritually like minded individuals for community, belonging, and fellowship. I do like this aspect of religion but still don't see the need for it, could we not just have spiritual get togethers? Where we find people we connect with and just enjoy that time? I feel it to be an outmoded and stagnant system that is crumbling and soon to fall. And from the debris we will all find out true spiritual selves once again.